My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize