Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
