he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
