I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
