Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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