what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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