Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
