This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
