I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize