you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
