This is not my ceiling
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
