You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
