Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize