I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize