You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
