he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
