I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
