if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So drunk its hurt
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
