how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
