I wish I could teleport
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
