Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
