The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sext me about skeletons
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
