wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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