What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
