I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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