Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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