Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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