I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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