Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
