I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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