No stitches, just platelets and will power
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
