And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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