Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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