Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The ass gains better be worth it
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