so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
