Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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