When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
