how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
