I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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