I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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