don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Holy sore nipples Batman
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
