whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
