i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You've changed since you got that strap on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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