I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she peed on how many people?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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