Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
