haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
