Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
