If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
