She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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