Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
