Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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