he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
