i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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