Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
