yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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