were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
