I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
