how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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