im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
