We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
