my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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