Screwed.edu
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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