i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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