i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
