i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
