We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
