Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
