If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize