I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
