this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
