she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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