somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
