I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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