My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
