you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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