I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
