yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to calm my uterus...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize